I HAVE STOLEN CBS

I don't watch TV anymore. The last time I watched TV as any kind of conscious investment of my free time, the summer after 7th grade, was probably the lowest point of my young life. Since then has been a hastening decline in my television viewing leading up to this point where I only watch TV (that is, television programming on a television set, not DVDs or any of that ish) if I happen to be in a room full of people who are.

I like to think that the decline in my viewing ran parallel to the decline in the overall quality of TV shows in the past few years. I watched my beloved History Channel go from Nazis 24/7 to Occult Nazis 24/7 to an utter blur of a viewing experience I like to call Dirty American Log Road Icers vs. Wild 2012 Nostradamus Quest Files Revealed. Discovery Channel was not far behind. Alternatives were network TV comedies, dramas, reality shows, and stuff like what's on VH1 and such, none of which manage to appeal to my refined standards for visual entertainment. My minimal TV show needs are more than met by DVDs and Hulu.

All the while, TV bigwigs have been flying the illusion of total control in our faces. DVRs, On-Demand stuff, other things I probably haven't even heard of. But I'll tell you videodromes something. You are slaves. All of you, slaves to the networks, few have ever been so bold as to do anything about it. One of those people was some guy back in the 80's, who said enough is enough, I'm dressing up like Max Headroom, hijacking the signal of a local station, talking nonsense, and having myself spanked on live metropolitan TV.

If you plan on sleeping tonight, I suggest you not watch this video.



Best part of the whole thing, they never caught the guy or anybody else involved in the stunt. He's STILL AT LARGE!

Respect to a guy with the stones to pull something like that off and not get caught, weird though it may be. Take control of yo' TV box son!

I'm Gonna Go Get Some Belts After This

Last night on American Idol, 62-year-old underground rapper GENERAL LARRY PLATT out of Atlanta, GA performed his original song Pants On The Ground. Now you have got to see this mess.


After a remarkably humble introduction to his act in which GEN. PLATT explains the message of his original song ("people need to pull their pants up"), the man bares his soul for the world to see.

Pants on the ground,
Pants on the ground.
Lookin' like a FOOL with your pants on the ground.

You got the gold in your mouth,
Hat turned sideways,
Pants hit the ground,
Walkin, talkin,
Thinkin' you're a cool cat,
Lookin' like a FOOL with your pants on the ground!!

Note the sick breaking GEN. PLATT pulls while spittin' the truth.

Old people have been telling hip hop fans to pull up their pants for more than two decades now, from driveby fist-shakings, to the swift upward grandmotherly thrusts to white suburban belt loops, to quiet laments around the bridge table over the kids these days. How it took until 2010 for a senior citizen rapper to write a song on the subject and perform it on American Idol I don't think the world will ever know. But there was something special about GEN. PLATT. He wasn't just some jackass who wanted to be on TV, which is what most shows today feature. GEN. PLATT had a mission, a message that was crying out to be heard by the American socio-cultural landscape. You punks need to pull your pants up. You look like a fool.

Within minutes of this being on TV, the internets went positively bonkers. It was the trending topic on Twitter the entire night and most of today. The fact that I heard about this mess as fast as I did speaks volumes, as I don't watch television anymore. That didn't stop me from watching the above clip on Youtube like 15 minutes after it aired, because it was uploaded just that fast. They don't call it the worlds most powerful communication tool because it looks good on Al Gore's resume.

So word to GENERAL LARRY PLATT. You have not seen the last of this guy, I guarantee it.