My Head is Bloody, but Unbowed

Last week I watched that movie where MORGAN FREEMAN plays NELSON MANDELA and gets wrapped up in the South African national rugby team as he fights to bring an apartheid-stricken nation back together again. It was a very good film, and I was especially happy to watch it since South Africa is one of those places that fascinates me while remaining a complete cultural mystery. While the work itself as a whole was impressive, what left the strongest impression on me was the poem Invictus, which the film is named after and uses a number of times throughout the story.

I don't really dig poetry in any kind of a deep way, so for a poem to speak to me it takes quality. In the film, NELSON MANDELA shares this poem with the captain of the rugby team saying something to the effect of "these words helped me to stand up at times in my life when all I wanted to do was lie down."

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The message of this poem is beautiful to me. It inspires perseverance in difficult circumstances through the power of self-knowledge and self-determination.

When I took sociology my senior year of high school, one of the concepts they taught us was the idea of people being products of their environment. Individuals get so caught up in living up to the expectations that other people set for them that they become internalized, and people lose sight of all the potential they have to do what's best for them and what makes them truly happy. This is what I like to call mental slavery.

Now I know that's a pretty heavy phrase that means a lot of different things to different people, but what I mean when I say it is this; I think the root cause of why a lot of people in this world are unhappy is that they feel they have no control over their own destinies, for whatever number of reasons. This idea is most commonly applied to social mobility but if you ask me it's about spiritual mobility. It can apply to almost anybody in any situation.

Living at school has taught me a lot about exactly this kind of thing. People enter the college environment with all kinds of expectations as to what it's supposed to be like and how they have to act in order to be a part of the experience they've set themselves up for (which is different for everybody). Usually this only leads to trouble when a person compromises his/herself in that process.

I'm here to say that no matter where you are in life you ought to never stop doing what you know is right, because then you're just a tool. You've given up control of yourself and become simply a product of your environment, your past, or whatever else holds you down. You've got to know yourself, take care of yourself, and stand up for yourself with indomitable spirit.

You are the master of your fate, and you are the captain of your soul.

Music Saves Lives Every Day

You ask a Buddhist what the truth about life is, the first thing he'll tell you is this; "Existence is suffering". I'm not a Buddhist but I tell you they're right. Everybody suffers sometimes, I don't care who they are. Successful, rich, famous, loved, all the friends in the world, every reason to be satisfied, it doesn't matter. Sometimes you could look somebody right in the eye and never even know how absolutely down and out they were. It's because there is no such thing as a perfect person, and we all get the pain once in a while, in one form or another, big and small, short-term and long-term.

So then why don't we all just hold hands and jump into the grand canyon together or something? Because I believe that just as existence is suffering, existence is joy. Life is beautiful, and it's these parts of life that make up for the hard times. It's how we take care of ourselves and each other. Everyone realizes this in different ways, and in my personal life music is what does it for me in a big way.

I am an only child, and though blessed with many wonderful friends I often find myself feeling all by myself and without anyone I trust enough to freely speak person-to-person on a deep level with. My personality is such that I tell myself I don't need anybody and deal with most personal problems independently. But the truth of the matter is that I do get by with a little help from my friends; and one of those friends is CHARLES MINGUS.



CHARLES MINGUS (pictured above and below) had a tough time on this Earth. Though a revered jazz musician, he was poor his whole life, and was prone to long bouts of depression. Late in his life he was evicted from his NYC apartment because he couldn't pay his rent, before Lou Gehrig's disease prevented him from playing music and eventually led to his death in 1979 at the age of 56. MINGUS was known as "the Angry Man of Jazz" because of his extreme temper both on stage and off. He would get frustrated about one thing or another and start throwing insults, chairs and fists at audiences and band members. One time he punched professional trombone player JIMMY KNEPPER in the mouth, not only knocking his tooth out but permanently affecting his range on the instrument.

MINGUS' music is incredibly emotional. Listeners can feel his pain, his hopes and dreams, and his happy moments. All emotions have the potential to inspire profound and beautiful works of art. When you listen to the music I do (jazz, blues especially), this is something you come to appreciate in a very strong way.

I can't relate to CHARLES MINGUS in any specific way. I'll probably count myself among those lucky to never experience poverty or be evicted from my home, but when you listen to his music you gain a sort of shared appreciation for the emotion that went into creating it. In this way, MINGUS understands how I feel when no one else can, even though he's been dead for more than 30 years and never met me. A comforting thought. It's not a cure for feeling down but it helps, for damn sure it helps.

It's in this way that music saves lives every day. It's one of the things that helps me, but for you it may well be something else entirely. Underwater basket weaving or something. I sure hope you find it and embrace it if you haven't already.