I HAVE STOLEN CBS

I don't watch TV anymore. The last time I watched TV as any kind of conscious investment of my free time, the summer after 7th grade, was probably the lowest point of my young life. Since then has been a hastening decline in my television viewing leading up to this point where I only watch TV (that is, television programming on a television set, not DVDs or any of that ish) if I happen to be in a room full of people who are.

I like to think that the decline in my viewing ran parallel to the decline in the overall quality of TV shows in the past few years. I watched my beloved History Channel go from Nazis 24/7 to Occult Nazis 24/7 to an utter blur of a viewing experience I like to call Dirty American Log Road Icers vs. Wild 2012 Nostradamus Quest Files Revealed. Discovery Channel was not far behind. Alternatives were network TV comedies, dramas, reality shows, and stuff like what's on VH1 and such, none of which manage to appeal to my refined standards for visual entertainment. My minimal TV show needs are more than met by DVDs and Hulu.

All the while, TV bigwigs have been flying the illusion of total control in our faces. DVRs, On-Demand stuff, other things I probably haven't even heard of. But I'll tell you videodromes something. You are slaves. All of you, slaves to the networks, few have ever been so bold as to do anything about it. One of those people was some guy back in the 80's, who said enough is enough, I'm dressing up like Max Headroom, hijacking the signal of a local station, talking nonsense, and having myself spanked on live metropolitan TV.

If you plan on sleeping tonight, I suggest you not watch this video.



Best part of the whole thing, they never caught the guy or anybody else involved in the stunt. He's STILL AT LARGE!

Respect to a guy with the stones to pull something like that off and not get caught, weird though it may be. Take control of yo' TV box son!

I'm Gonna Go Get Some Belts After This

Last night on American Idol, 62-year-old underground rapper GENERAL LARRY PLATT out of Atlanta, GA performed his original song Pants On The Ground. Now you have got to see this mess.


After a remarkably humble introduction to his act in which GEN. PLATT explains the message of his original song ("people need to pull their pants up"), the man bares his soul for the world to see.

Pants on the ground,
Pants on the ground.
Lookin' like a FOOL with your pants on the ground.

You got the gold in your mouth,
Hat turned sideways,
Pants hit the ground,
Walkin, talkin,
Thinkin' you're a cool cat,
Lookin' like a FOOL with your pants on the ground!!

Note the sick breaking GEN. PLATT pulls while spittin' the truth.

Old people have been telling hip hop fans to pull up their pants for more than two decades now, from driveby fist-shakings, to the swift upward grandmotherly thrusts to white suburban belt loops, to quiet laments around the bridge table over the kids these days. How it took until 2010 for a senior citizen rapper to write a song on the subject and perform it on American Idol I don't think the world will ever know. But there was something special about GEN. PLATT. He wasn't just some jackass who wanted to be on TV, which is what most shows today feature. GEN. PLATT had a mission, a message that was crying out to be heard by the American socio-cultural landscape. You punks need to pull your pants up. You look like a fool.

Within minutes of this being on TV, the internets went positively bonkers. It was the trending topic on Twitter the entire night and most of today. The fact that I heard about this mess as fast as I did speaks volumes, as I don't watch television anymore. That didn't stop me from watching the above clip on Youtube like 15 minutes after it aired, because it was uploaded just that fast. They don't call it the worlds most powerful communication tool because it looks good on Al Gore's resume.

So word to GENERAL LARRY PLATT. You have not seen the last of this guy, I guarantee it.

3 Fingers and a Smile

WAR is one of my favorite bands. I call them a soul band, but their vibes combine funk, Latin, jazz, blues, rock, and other elements. They sound what East LA in the 70's would've sounded like. WAR is Chicano music with a lot of extra flavors to make feel-good jams. They have a very laid back style, especially compared to a group like TOWER OF POWER (who I also love) out of Oakland with it's in-your-face horn section. If I had a car and/or could drive I'd probably say WAR is great cruising music.



The trouble with WAR is, they have two songs that have been through the Hollywood and Madison Ave. juicer so many times that everybody recognizes them; Low Rider and Why Can't We Be Friends. Both are great songs and the differences between them highlight the dynamism of the group, so if there had to be two popularized WAR songs, these aren't bad chocies, but some people think freaking George Lopez wrote and recorded Low Rider. He didn't, by the way, it was WAR.

I don't usually make a thing out of race, but the diversity of this band is worth noting. The 1970's didn't see that many multi-ethnic bands, but WAR was one of them. This band had black guys, Hispanic guys, and one white guy from Denmark, Lee Oskar, who was wild on the harmonica and had a fro like Bob Ross.

Front with that fro. Front.

I never understood WAR's name though. They're one of the happiest bands I know (Why Can't We Be Friends for Christs sake!). Every time I mention them by name people assume I must be talking about some Scandinavian death metal band. The origin isn't explained in any of the album notes I own anyway.

But yeah, check these guys out if you wanna put some Zoot Suit sauce on your funk flakes as a part of this nutritious musical breakfast. You know I do!

This Guy Right Here...

"Who dis bumboclatt Babylon bwoy bloggin bout I'n'I?"

I was actually hoping to spin yarns about some other things first. This is not a dancehall or reggae blog, it's a blog about all the general things I'm interested in. But I need to say my piece about BUJU BANTON now while it's still fresh in my mind.

Reggae music gives the impression that most Jamaicans are Rastas, but this is actually not the case. Most Jamaicans are actually Christian. Highly traditional, Jamaican christianity is often militantly anti-homosexual. The Rastas are no better in this regard (as roots reggae artist SIZZLA makes clear), with Rastafari's strong emphasis on the Old Testament (my personal least-favorite testament). It's an all around bad religio-social climate for the batty boys. TIME called it the worst representative for gays rights in the western hemisphere. Boning a dude can get you 10 years, no joke. The violence against homosexuals there is no joke either.

And the centerpiece of every article or argument about homophobia in dancehall culture/Jamaican society: Buju Banton, and this song he wrote in the 80's at the age of 15 and recorded in 1993.

The basic message of this song is that all gay people should be, ideally, shot in the head, or burned alive with acid. Boom Bye Bye is absolute hate music.

So now why would anybody (especially me, what with my integrity and all) listen to an artist like this? Because as nuts as it makes me, besides the above monstrosity, almost every song I've heard from BUJU has been musically great and had a wonderfully positive message.

I would spend many nights at home.
Woman if it means contention, I'd rather be alone.
Tell the serviceman cut the phone, I'd say block all communication, why?
If there's no light within my day, I'd rather stay in isolation.
For that special someone a lifetime I'll wait, I know that I'll be OK.
Cross my heart, every day, I live, I pray.
I know she'll come my way, night and day
For this woman I pray.

I wanna be loved!
Not for who you think I am, or who you want me to be, could you love me for me?
Real love, with no strings attached, I wanna give you my heart...

You have to know the right albums to pick. The only BUJU BANTON albums I mess with are Til Shiloh and Inna Heights, which are the ones on which he focuses more on his roots influence than his hardcore dancehall anthems. On Inna Heights there's a track he dedicates to all the single parents in the world.

Consider how they make it to the end of the day,
Working so hard, just to get paid.
As a single parent, life ain't easy,
Play the role of mom and dad.

Mama I thank you, thank you.
I never know no father yet you provide my dinner.
And I love you, oh mama,
When you cry I cry too.

Why do you look so dull and foresaken?
I know that he's gone and your heart is broken,
But we are still together,
Mama never leave us alone...

I mean, this is beautiful, inspirational stuff! This could make a person break out in tears! And it's wonderful musically as well. I didn't include any of his more spiritual songs in my examples but they are downright empowering.

All the while in the back of my mind, however, I know this guy is a horribly, horribly prejudiced person. I'd like to think that Boom Bye Bye was the product of an angry misguided youth, but he's kept his outrageously confused ideas about homosexuals up to today. So basically I enjoy BUJU's music in the same manner I enjoy SPIKE LEE movies; with a lot of guilt.

In a somewhat related point: BUJU is in prison right now for cocaine (EXTREMELY un-Rasta of you, by the way Buju). The slammer's a good place for soul searching, maybe he'll see the error of his ways.