KHARTOUM STAND UP

I usually hear about weird stuff that shows up on the internet as soon as it happens, but I only discovered BANGS about a month ago. He's a Sudanese rapper out of Khartoum, Sudan who now lives in Melbourne, Australia, and he's something to see alright. BANGS raps about a lot of things, but mostly the shawtys, and more specifically, taking them to the movies.



It's got close to 3 million views. About this video I need to say a few things.

1) If you can watch that silly-ass music video and not laugh and/or fall in love with the utter so-bad-it's-goodness of BANGS then I'm afraid you need to go drown yourself in the toilet cause your life is just not one worth living.

2) Where the hell did BANGS get an iPhone? And why do the parts of the video where he's on the phone have such high production values? It's like they spent all their money on the iPhone scene and then the budget ran out so they had to use the iPhone to film and edit the rest of the video. Still though, iPhone status gets BANGS mad points, cause I live in America and I still use a Motorola Razr.

Like any respectable hip hop artist, BANGS has a fairly sizable community of haters, which are quite vocal in comments on reposts of the BANGS videos on Youtube.

"good lord this dude is just downright awful. most likely one of the if not the worst rapper I've ever seen. you suck" -mrpotato623, mad cause BANGS is stylin on him

"can anyone else not see how horrible this is? and the government wonders how we get broke! you guys investing the wrong money to the wrong people GOD DAMN..." -kennyboi619, mad cause his videos never broke double-digit views

There's this type of hate, but then you get stuff like THIS, which I have a VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH.

"your music is a joke but if you were 2 rap n your native language or rap about all the things that are happening over there or educate others, i think you would make a greater impact that trying to imitate what you think is going on in America ok" -caramelcutie313, RACIST

That's right caramelcutie313, you're fucking racist. And I will explain in great detail why.

To demonstrate this we're gonna look at a rapper that is very very different from BANGS... K'NAAN was born in Somalia and as a young boy lived in the Capital city of Mogadishu at the height of the brutal Somali Civil War, which caused the deaths of hundreds of thousands through combat and starvation. At age 13 K'NAAN and his family were able to move to New York City and then Canada, where he learned English and began his rap career.


Themes of K'NAAN's music include the state of world affairs and current events, uplifting impoverished peoples, and reflections of his Somalian roots. He has recorded several tracks in his native Somali. He's a talented and successful rapper and I like him.

Now, what does he have to do with BANGS?

Exactly. He has nothing to do with BANGS.

Fuckheads like caramelcutie313 think that because a rapper is African he can only make cultural NPR-y hip hop about genocide and shit, and if you ask me it's downright disgusting. K'NAAN and BANGS are two people who moved from states of oppression to the free world, in which they are able to pursue their own dreams and forge their own destinies. K'NAAN has chosen to make socially conscious rap because that's how he expresses himself as an artist. But ya boy BANGS is a different guy from the sky, and he just wants to rap about taking girls to the movies, and if you think there's something wrong with that then there's something wrong with you.

I hope you enjoyed the blog post,
Cause I did too,
Anytime you wanna read again just holler at me.
Baby girl, we can make it,
To be better than before.
Anything you want me to blog,
I can blog it fo' sho.

TEMMMMPZZZZZ

Right now I'm at the age and place where people explore a lot of new things. For most people, it's alcoholism, drug dependency, sluttery, or political pomposity. For me, however, it has so far mainly been TEMPA T.

DRAPES!

For those of you who don't know (which should be all of you), TEMPA T (also affectionately known as TEMPZ) is a grime MC from the UK with a hi-top fade, and he is absolutely fucking mad and should probably be locked up.

I'm a bit of a culture vulture for British junk. "Grime" is the UK's answer to American hiphop. I have to be real though; I find grime very culturally interesting, but a lot of even the most popular and respected of it is just not very good. Perhaps I'm biased considering I don't even really like most American hip hop very much, but I have my own problems with grime specifically.

Some of the more popular kinds of music in the UK (and most of Europe nowadays by my observation) are the endless various forms of electronic dance music. I attribute this to the already very strong rave culture which exists all over the old world. Euro kids live for getting effed the eff up and having humongous dance parties with massive speakers and glowsticks and stuff. For the most part I don't like any kind of digital electronic music (except dubstep, which will get its own post one of these days).

For the cliffs notes version; "Garage" broke in London in the 1990's, and is the British answer to American house music. It's a lot like house music, but it has reggae-style offbeat kicks as a part of what they call "2-step". I find it darker sounding as well. Grime is essentially someone rapping over garage music.

A lot of people in America don't realize this, but when it comes to drugs and gangs and violence and stuff, England is pretty effed the eff up. They have an illegal immigration issue just like here, except where we have Mexicans, Guatemalans, and El Salvadorans, they have Africans, Pakistanis, and Bangladeshis and stuff. This causes a lot of tension, because as a lot of Americans also don't realize, England along with a lot of Europe is pretty freaking racist. I could write a more extended history about it but just for starters there's these dewshes.

The point is, a lot of people don't take England seriously when they talk about hard street life and such. And so grime MCs feel as though they have to out-gangsta American hip hop.

Enter... TEMPA T



TEMPZ's music is mostly about convincing people that he is insane. "Swing" is about hitting people with baseball bats ("Swing of the bat to you face / SWINNNGGGG / YOU'RE ON THE FLOOR, NO MOVEMENT YOU'RE ON THE FLOOR"). Another concept key to understanding the music of TEMPA T is the par. A "par" in British slang is similar to an insult or diss. If you encounter or listen to TEMPA T, prepare to be parred. If you par TEMPA T, be prepared to regret it.

My first and favorite TEMPA T track; Next Hype. It's about a day in the life of TEMPZ. Once you have a full understanding of the enigma of this guy, the opening sequence of this video becomes hilarious.



Some memorable lyrics;

CLEAR! all the things in your house
CLEAR! all the things in your fridge
SMASH! all your plates on the rack
CLEAR! all your kids' toys
CLEAR! all your CD rack, won't get none of your CD's back,
Drag off your curtain rail from the wall
Kick off your HDTV from the stand!

It gets crazier than that...

Catch man on the field flying his kite
Roll man down on the grass with a knife
Watch how his friends despite from afar
I can hear screams from his wife
Run after man let me draw for his life
Blood pouring I got stains on my knife
Leave man dead in a field over night
When I'm sleeping dreaming won't think of him twice.

So yeah. TEMPZ is apeshit crazy. To be real I don't quite fully understand why he appeals to me, but there's something about his utter rage and brazenness that fascinates me. American rappers pioneered the gangsta element of hip hop music, but I feel as though it's more about flash and dazzle here. Though I know it's all an act I still think TEMPZ would actually straight up kill your ass if you parred him. And that ain't a par.



***BONUS: BILL'S FAVORITE GRIME SLANG**

Par - Defined above
Leng - Gun
Bax - Literally smash somebody
Drapes - When you jump someone, take their stuff and give them an unnecessary beating just to show 'em who's boss. When you do this it is customary to scream DRAPES
Mash - Short for machine gun, thought that was clever
Ring off di ting - Shoot up someone or something
Boi off di ting - Don't actually know for sure... stabbing someone possibly?

My Head is Bloody, but Unbowed

Last week I watched that movie where MORGAN FREEMAN plays NELSON MANDELA and gets wrapped up in the South African national rugby team as he fights to bring an apartheid-stricken nation back together again. It was a very good film, and I was especially happy to watch it since South Africa is one of those places that fascinates me while remaining a complete cultural mystery. While the work itself as a whole was impressive, what left the strongest impression on me was the poem Invictus, which the film is named after and uses a number of times throughout the story.

I don't really dig poetry in any kind of a deep way, so for a poem to speak to me it takes quality. In the film, NELSON MANDELA shares this poem with the captain of the rugby team saying something to the effect of "these words helped me to stand up at times in my life when all I wanted to do was lie down."

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The message of this poem is beautiful to me. It inspires perseverance in difficult circumstances through the power of self-knowledge and self-determination.

When I took sociology my senior year of high school, one of the concepts they taught us was the idea of people being products of their environment. Individuals get so caught up in living up to the expectations that other people set for them that they become internalized, and people lose sight of all the potential they have to do what's best for them and what makes them truly happy. This is what I like to call mental slavery.

Now I know that's a pretty heavy phrase that means a lot of different things to different people, but what I mean when I say it is this; I think the root cause of why a lot of people in this world are unhappy is that they feel they have no control over their own destinies, for whatever number of reasons. This idea is most commonly applied to social mobility but if you ask me it's about spiritual mobility. It can apply to almost anybody in any situation.

Living at school has taught me a lot about exactly this kind of thing. People enter the college environment with all kinds of expectations as to what it's supposed to be like and how they have to act in order to be a part of the experience they've set themselves up for (which is different for everybody). Usually this only leads to trouble when a person compromises his/herself in that process.

I'm here to say that no matter where you are in life you ought to never stop doing what you know is right, because then you're just a tool. You've given up control of yourself and become simply a product of your environment, your past, or whatever else holds you down. You've got to know yourself, take care of yourself, and stand up for yourself with indomitable spirit.

You are the master of your fate, and you are the captain of your soul.

Music Saves Lives Every Day

You ask a Buddhist what the truth about life is, the first thing he'll tell you is this; "Existence is suffering". I'm not a Buddhist but I tell you they're right. Everybody suffers sometimes, I don't care who they are. Successful, rich, famous, loved, all the friends in the world, every reason to be satisfied, it doesn't matter. Sometimes you could look somebody right in the eye and never even know how absolutely down and out they were. It's because there is no such thing as a perfect person, and we all get the pain once in a while, in one form or another, big and small, short-term and long-term.

So then why don't we all just hold hands and jump into the grand canyon together or something? Because I believe that just as existence is suffering, existence is joy. Life is beautiful, and it's these parts of life that make up for the hard times. It's how we take care of ourselves and each other. Everyone realizes this in different ways, and in my personal life music is what does it for me in a big way.

I am an only child, and though blessed with many wonderful friends I often find myself feeling all by myself and without anyone I trust enough to freely speak person-to-person on a deep level with. My personality is such that I tell myself I don't need anybody and deal with most personal problems independently. But the truth of the matter is that I do get by with a little help from my friends; and one of those friends is CHARLES MINGUS.



CHARLES MINGUS (pictured above and below) had a tough time on this Earth. Though a revered jazz musician, he was poor his whole life, and was prone to long bouts of depression. Late in his life he was evicted from his NYC apartment because he couldn't pay his rent, before Lou Gehrig's disease prevented him from playing music and eventually led to his death in 1979 at the age of 56. MINGUS was known as "the Angry Man of Jazz" because of his extreme temper both on stage and off. He would get frustrated about one thing or another and start throwing insults, chairs and fists at audiences and band members. One time he punched professional trombone player JIMMY KNEPPER in the mouth, not only knocking his tooth out but permanently affecting his range on the instrument.

MINGUS' music is incredibly emotional. Listeners can feel his pain, his hopes and dreams, and his happy moments. All emotions have the potential to inspire profound and beautiful works of art. When you listen to the music I do (jazz, blues especially), this is something you come to appreciate in a very strong way.

I can't relate to CHARLES MINGUS in any specific way. I'll probably count myself among those lucky to never experience poverty or be evicted from my home, but when you listen to his music you gain a sort of shared appreciation for the emotion that went into creating it. In this way, MINGUS understands how I feel when no one else can, even though he's been dead for more than 30 years and never met me. A comforting thought. It's not a cure for feeling down but it helps, for damn sure it helps.

It's in this way that music saves lives every day. It's one of the things that helps me, but for you it may well be something else entirely. Underwater basket weaving or something. I sure hope you find it and embrace it if you haven't already.

I HAVE STOLEN CBS

I don't watch TV anymore. The last time I watched TV as any kind of conscious investment of my free time, the summer after 7th grade, was probably the lowest point of my young life. Since then has been a hastening decline in my television viewing leading up to this point where I only watch TV (that is, television programming on a television set, not DVDs or any of that ish) if I happen to be in a room full of people who are.

I like to think that the decline in my viewing ran parallel to the decline in the overall quality of TV shows in the past few years. I watched my beloved History Channel go from Nazis 24/7 to Occult Nazis 24/7 to an utter blur of a viewing experience I like to call Dirty American Log Road Icers vs. Wild 2012 Nostradamus Quest Files Revealed. Discovery Channel was not far behind. Alternatives were network TV comedies, dramas, reality shows, and stuff like what's on VH1 and such, none of which manage to appeal to my refined standards for visual entertainment. My minimal TV show needs are more than met by DVDs and Hulu.

All the while, TV bigwigs have been flying the illusion of total control in our faces. DVRs, On-Demand stuff, other things I probably haven't even heard of. But I'll tell you videodromes something. You are slaves. All of you, slaves to the networks, few have ever been so bold as to do anything about it. One of those people was some guy back in the 80's, who said enough is enough, I'm dressing up like Max Headroom, hijacking the signal of a local station, talking nonsense, and having myself spanked on live metropolitan TV.

If you plan on sleeping tonight, I suggest you not watch this video.



Best part of the whole thing, they never caught the guy or anybody else involved in the stunt. He's STILL AT LARGE!

Respect to a guy with the stones to pull something like that off and not get caught, weird though it may be. Take control of yo' TV box son!

I'm Gonna Go Get Some Belts After This

Last night on American Idol, 62-year-old underground rapper GENERAL LARRY PLATT out of Atlanta, GA performed his original song Pants On The Ground. Now you have got to see this mess.


After a remarkably humble introduction to his act in which GEN. PLATT explains the message of his original song ("people need to pull their pants up"), the man bares his soul for the world to see.

Pants on the ground,
Pants on the ground.
Lookin' like a FOOL with your pants on the ground.

You got the gold in your mouth,
Hat turned sideways,
Pants hit the ground,
Walkin, talkin,
Thinkin' you're a cool cat,
Lookin' like a FOOL with your pants on the ground!!

Note the sick breaking GEN. PLATT pulls while spittin' the truth.

Old people have been telling hip hop fans to pull up their pants for more than two decades now, from driveby fist-shakings, to the swift upward grandmotherly thrusts to white suburban belt loops, to quiet laments around the bridge table over the kids these days. How it took until 2010 for a senior citizen rapper to write a song on the subject and perform it on American Idol I don't think the world will ever know. But there was something special about GEN. PLATT. He wasn't just some jackass who wanted to be on TV, which is what most shows today feature. GEN. PLATT had a mission, a message that was crying out to be heard by the American socio-cultural landscape. You punks need to pull your pants up. You look like a fool.

Within minutes of this being on TV, the internets went positively bonkers. It was the trending topic on Twitter the entire night and most of today. The fact that I heard about this mess as fast as I did speaks volumes, as I don't watch television anymore. That didn't stop me from watching the above clip on Youtube like 15 minutes after it aired, because it was uploaded just that fast. They don't call it the worlds most powerful communication tool because it looks good on Al Gore's resume.

So word to GENERAL LARRY PLATT. You have not seen the last of this guy, I guarantee it.

3 Fingers and a Smile

WAR is one of my favorite bands. I call them a soul band, but their vibes combine funk, Latin, jazz, blues, rock, and other elements. They sound what East LA in the 70's would've sounded like. WAR is Chicano music with a lot of extra flavors to make feel-good jams. They have a very laid back style, especially compared to a group like TOWER OF POWER (who I also love) out of Oakland with it's in-your-face horn section. If I had a car and/or could drive I'd probably say WAR is great cruising music.



The trouble with WAR is, they have two songs that have been through the Hollywood and Madison Ave. juicer so many times that everybody recognizes them; Low Rider and Why Can't We Be Friends. Both are great songs and the differences between them highlight the dynamism of the group, so if there had to be two popularized WAR songs, these aren't bad chocies, but some people think freaking George Lopez wrote and recorded Low Rider. He didn't, by the way, it was WAR.

I don't usually make a thing out of race, but the diversity of this band is worth noting. The 1970's didn't see that many multi-ethnic bands, but WAR was one of them. This band had black guys, Hispanic guys, and one white guy from Denmark, Lee Oskar, who was wild on the harmonica and had a fro like Bob Ross.

Front with that fro. Front.

I never understood WAR's name though. They're one of the happiest bands I know (Why Can't We Be Friends for Christs sake!). Every time I mention them by name people assume I must be talking about some Scandinavian death metal band. The origin isn't explained in any of the album notes I own anyway.

But yeah, check these guys out if you wanna put some Zoot Suit sauce on your funk flakes as a part of this nutritious musical breakfast. You know I do!

This Guy Right Here...

"Who dis bumboclatt Babylon bwoy bloggin bout I'n'I?"

I was actually hoping to spin yarns about some other things first. This is not a dancehall or reggae blog, it's a blog about all the general things I'm interested in. But I need to say my piece about BUJU BANTON now while it's still fresh in my mind.

Reggae music gives the impression that most Jamaicans are Rastas, but this is actually not the case. Most Jamaicans are actually Christian. Highly traditional, Jamaican christianity is often militantly anti-homosexual. The Rastas are no better in this regard (as roots reggae artist SIZZLA makes clear), with Rastafari's strong emphasis on the Old Testament (my personal least-favorite testament). It's an all around bad religio-social climate for the batty boys. TIME called it the worst representative for gays rights in the western hemisphere. Boning a dude can get you 10 years, no joke. The violence against homosexuals there is no joke either.

And the centerpiece of every article or argument about homophobia in dancehall culture/Jamaican society: Buju Banton, and this song he wrote in the 80's at the age of 15 and recorded in 1993.

The basic message of this song is that all gay people should be, ideally, shot in the head, or burned alive with acid. Boom Bye Bye is absolute hate music.

So now why would anybody (especially me, what with my integrity and all) listen to an artist like this? Because as nuts as it makes me, besides the above monstrosity, almost every song I've heard from BUJU has been musically great and had a wonderfully positive message.

I would spend many nights at home.
Woman if it means contention, I'd rather be alone.
Tell the serviceman cut the phone, I'd say block all communication, why?
If there's no light within my day, I'd rather stay in isolation.
For that special someone a lifetime I'll wait, I know that I'll be OK.
Cross my heart, every day, I live, I pray.
I know she'll come my way, night and day
For this woman I pray.

I wanna be loved!
Not for who you think I am, or who you want me to be, could you love me for me?
Real love, with no strings attached, I wanna give you my heart...

You have to know the right albums to pick. The only BUJU BANTON albums I mess with are Til Shiloh and Inna Heights, which are the ones on which he focuses more on his roots influence than his hardcore dancehall anthems. On Inna Heights there's a track he dedicates to all the single parents in the world.

Consider how they make it to the end of the day,
Working so hard, just to get paid.
As a single parent, life ain't easy,
Play the role of mom and dad.

Mama I thank you, thank you.
I never know no father yet you provide my dinner.
And I love you, oh mama,
When you cry I cry too.

Why do you look so dull and foresaken?
I know that he's gone and your heart is broken,
But we are still together,
Mama never leave us alone...

I mean, this is beautiful, inspirational stuff! This could make a person break out in tears! And it's wonderful musically as well. I didn't include any of his more spiritual songs in my examples but they are downright empowering.

All the while in the back of my mind, however, I know this guy is a horribly, horribly prejudiced person. I'd like to think that Boom Bye Bye was the product of an angry misguided youth, but he's kept his outrageously confused ideas about homosexuals up to today. So basically I enjoy BUJU's music in the same manner I enjoy SPIKE LEE movies; with a lot of guilt.

In a somewhat related point: BUJU is in prison right now for cocaine (EXTREMELY un-Rasta of you, by the way Buju). The slammer's a good place for soul searching, maybe he'll see the error of his ways.